he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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