haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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