Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
