out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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