It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
