my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
