my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
