I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
