your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
