never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
