Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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