What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
