i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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