you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
