Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
