i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
