you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
