i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
