I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
