For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
