I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
