i just made my gag reflex go away.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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