wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
