He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
