somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
