I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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