Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
