I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
