a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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