he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
