Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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