i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
