I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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