This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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