So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
