i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
