Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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