on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
