I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
