You just made me feel so damn special
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
