you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Randomize
