Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
