Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
