in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
