youre lurking in front of me
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
