im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
