my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
