Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
