I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
