i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
