I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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