The beer is more important than you right now.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
