Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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