It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
