You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
