i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
