Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
